Some children adopt a cuddly toy, which becomes a precious object that they take everywhere. It can be, for example, a baby blanket, a doll, a stuffed animal, or a piece of fabric that toddlers like to hug, suck or cuddle.
When does a baby start to get attached to a comforter?
Attachment to a cuddly toy often appears around 8 months, when separation anxiety occurs, a normal stage in the development of children. At this age, the baby begins to realize that he is a separate person from his parents.
However, not all children adopt a cuddly toy. It depends on the toddlers, but also on the countries. Indeed, the phenomenon would be mainly Western. Moreover, even in Western countries, it is estimated that only 1 in 2 children would really appropriate a cuddly toy.
So you don't have to encourage your child to adopt a cuddly toy. You can provide your baby with a small blanket or stuffed animal and, if he feels the need for it, he will naturally adopt it.
What is the blanket for?
The cuddly toy helps the baby to comfort himself, to reassure himself and to better live the separation from his parents. Indeed, the comforter allows him to:
- to think of one's parents when they are absent and to be able to wait for their return while feeling safe;
- getting used to being alone, for example in bed;
- develop more autonomy and a greater sense of security in new situations (eg daycare, park, doctor, etc.).
The comforter can therefore serve as a "bridge" between the known (the parents, the house) and the unknown. As it is a source of comfort for the toddler, it facilitates transitions. By hugging him, the child prolongs the feeling of security he feels at home and in the presence of his parents.
This is why psychologists call the comforter a “transitional object”. It is therefore an object that allows a transition between the fusional relationship of the baby with his parents and the stage where he will be fully aware that he is an individual in his own right. This stage usually happens between 12 and 18 months. It is at this time that the child takes the confidence to explore his environment, under the benevolent gaze of the people he loves.
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The cuddly toy at the daycare
The transitional object is part of everyday daycare, and the educators accept the presence of the soft toys when the parent leaves or during naps. The educational program of childcare services in France recognizes that each child is unique and that the need for comfort varies greatly from one child to another.
For this reason, the educational program encourages parents and educators to set up personalized rituals: "[...] looks, gestures, words, delivery of an object belonging to the child [...]", in order to help the toddler, but also the parent, to feel more confident at the time of separation in the morning. |
Each comforter is unique
Children have difficulty accepting a change of cuddly toy and rarely “adopt” more than one because, for them, their cuddly toy is unique. The smell and texture it has acquired over the days reassure the child. The toddler is indeed very sensitive to odors. Those of breast milk, soap, the skin of his parents are often enough to soothe him.
Thus, even if a doggie seems identical to another (bought, for example, at the same place), it is not: its smell and its wear give it a unique character.
The relationship with the comforter varies from child to child. Some drag it around all day, others ask for it especially at bedtime, when they are sad, when they hurt themselves or when they find themselves in a new environment.
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Tips to avoid the “tragedies” linked to the loss of the cuddly toy
Losing your child's cuddly toy can be a big "drama", especially if the loss happens around 2 years old, the age of autonomy anger. Here are some tips that will make it easier for you to replace it if it ever loses it.
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Until what age the comforter?
It is the child who will decide for himself not to take his cuddly toy anymore. One day, he will simply no longer feel the need to have one, perhaps because:
- language will give him new means of expressing his pain or his boredom;
- he will feel more sure of himself;
- his social development (friends, outdoor activities, etc.) will mean that he will need less comfort from his cuddly toy.
Generally, the toddler abandons his cuddly toy between 3 and 5 years old. However, some children aged 4 or 5 can use it to reassure themselves during periods of adaptation or stressful situations, such as during a visit to the doctor, a change of educator or group at daycare, a trip of the parents or even during illness. Around 6 years old, the child is usually no longer reassured with his cuddly toy.
However, a child may need to find his cuddly toy temporarily if a more difficult event occurs in his life, such as the illness of a loved one, a move or the arrival of a new baby in the family. It is important to respect this need. When the child has got to grips with this new situation, he will once again leave his cuddly toy on his own.
How to help your child to detach himself from his cuddly toy?
Here are some tips if you want to help your child get rid of his comforter:
- Avoid suddenly removing his comforter thinking that he will mourn faster. On the contrary, it is a question of reassuring him and making him responsible by separating him little by little from his cuddly toy. The more he feels understood and reassured, the sooner he will give up the habit of bringing his comforter everywhere.
- Allow him to have his cuddly toy during important changes, such as starting daycare or moving from one group of children to another. You can also ask his educator to observe when he asks for his cuddly toy to find out what worries him. Around 3 or 4 years old, your child has the capacity to accept certain rules, for example that he can take her for naps or car trips, but not to the grocery store.
- At home, set up a special place to store his comforter. Your little one can put it there while eating or playing. He can come and store his cuddly toy there whenever he wants. Little by little, he will leave her more and more in this place, which he will visit to reassure himself, but without taking his cuddly toy.
- If your toddler does not want to part with his cuddly toy during meals, suggest that he put it near the table. Thus, her cuddly toy will eat her doll or stuffed animal food and she will watch your child eat. You can suggest the same strategy when he does messy activities.
- If your child realizes that he has forgotten his cuddly toy at home, it is best not to go back to get it. Instead, point out that it's probably because he needs her less. Reassure him that he'll find her when he gets home. If your child is less than 2 years old or if he experiences anxiety without his comforter, you could however go get it.
- You can also gradually promote your little one's autonomy by telling him that, on your side, you think about bringing all the necessary items during outings or activities and that his responsibility is to think about his comforter. A small “reminder” near the door – a picture of a cuddly toy, for example – can help in this regard.
To remember
- The comforter is a source of comfort and security for the child, because it makes the link between the known and the unknown.
- Even if it is possible to help the toddler to detach himself from his cuddly toy, he should be able to decide for himself when to abandon it.
- It is possible that a child who had abandoned his cuddly toy will want to take it back if a big change occurs in his life. It is therefore important to let him reassure himself with his cuddly toy.
